somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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