you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
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How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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