i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He shit in the fireplace
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
