whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize