Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
