You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
