You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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