Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
