Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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