it wasn't lemon gatorade
she woke up with a sticky ear
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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