Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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