I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Randomize
