Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
