Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
