Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
