By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
