During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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