I wish I could punch you in the face.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
