You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
