May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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