How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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