Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
