Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
