She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
