Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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