I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
