Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize