Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How external is "for external use only"?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
