All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
