Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
