He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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