rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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