it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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