Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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