do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
why do cheetos always look like penises
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
