my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She's the barista slut.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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