mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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