i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
organizing the empties. That sober.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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