You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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