And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
