I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
