I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
