Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
