Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
