atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
