I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
