They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
A bitchslap is in order.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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