Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
