How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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