Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sorry about my life...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
