i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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