I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
