he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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