Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
