My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
