#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize