just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
