3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
