There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
