I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
