im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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