you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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