I cannot find my penis.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Randomize
