shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
