Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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