Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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