dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
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I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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