im six kinds of drunk right now
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
