I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Be still, my beating vagina.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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