If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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