I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
