the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
