im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
